I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
