The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
