did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
