ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
