By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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