the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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