What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
