I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
