I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
