Kareoke will never be a sober sport
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
