like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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