I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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