I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's the barista slut.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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