I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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