She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
