The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
