i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my being single is dangerous.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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