Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
