I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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