I wannas sexs uuuuu
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
