it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
