I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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