Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just puked most of my soul out..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize