Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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