are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize