She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
