dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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