I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my poor anus
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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