You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
