Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
