I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
