The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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