Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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