There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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