I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
