Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
