OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
