If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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