So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
