Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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