paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
