I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
