When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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