The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You have to summon your inner elephant
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
