the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
