Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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