I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
