Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
