You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
