What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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