i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
