smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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