He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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