after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she peed on how many people?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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