Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
