i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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