I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
