my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
