so that wasnt chicken after all
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
