dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
