Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
