I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
