I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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