i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I party with great urgency now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
