you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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