Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
