I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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