Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
